Curiosity Over Credentials

“What do you do?” asks the man in the hot tub. 

I wanted to scream. 

What an annoying question. Of all the things you could ask me, this is the one you go with? Please get out and leave me to soak in peace. I’m bored, you’re boring, and you’re ruining my relaxation time.

.. is what I said in my head. Out loud, I said, “Why does everyone always start with that question?” 

Not much better, I admit. 

I’ve been asked this question hundreds of times - at weddings, dinner parties, vacations - you name it. “What do you do?” is always sitting on the tip of someone’s tongue. 

But what does it even mean? What do I do… for what? Why do we all just instinctively know this means what do you do for work? Maybe it's a nervous habit. Maybe people were taught it’s how you break the ice. Maybe they’re nosy. Or unimaginative. Or truly, deeply boring. 

Or maybe - just maybe - the problem is me. 

Maybe it’s a perfectly polite, benign, even kind question. And yet, every time someone asks me this in a social setting, I feel like crawling out of my skin. 

I Am More Than My Job

Here’s the problem: when someone asks what I do, it feels like they’re trying to shortcut getting to know me. As if once I tell you how I make money, you’ll magically understand who I am. Like you’ll take whatever story you already believe about people in my profession and start painting that image onto me. 

Maybe it bugs me more than it should because.. I work in Human Resources. 

And now that I’ve typed that, you’re probably thinking, “Ohhh, HR.”

Look - I get it. HR doesn’t have the best reputation. And to be fair, a lot of the critique is valid. But I’m working hard to rewrite that narrative. Because make no mistake, I’m very good at my job. 

Still, I know I’m working against whatever bias you carry - good, bad, or indifferent. And that’s exhausting. 

I Hate That I Hate It

To be clear: I hate that this question brings out this side of me. I hate that when someone asks me what I do, my instinct is to scream or shut down. 

I want to be a normal person who can just say, “Oh, I work in HR. What about you?” But I can’t. Believe me, I’ve tried. 

It feels fake. And, honestly, I don’t really care what you do for money. The way you earn a paycheck is usually the least interesting thing about you. 

I want to know what makes you tick. What you’re passionate about. What your life looks like. What annoys you. What you’re working toward. 

That’s the stuff that tells me who you really are. 

Does that make me weird? Or does it make the guy in the hot tub weird?

Maybe it’s both. Maybe it’s definitely a ‘me’ problem. 

Curiosity Is My Career Strategy

Either way, here’s what I know: taking the time to truly understand people is a big part of why I’ve been successful in my career. There’s no faster way to build trust and rapport than being genuinely interested. 

Because when we define people by their job titles, we miss their real strengths. 

I’ve made some of my smartest business decisions not by reading resumes or relying on org charts, but by learning about what actually energizes people. Understanding someone’s interest, passions, and personality has helped me place the right people in leadership roles, build better teams, and make strategic hiring decisions that weren’t always obvious on paper. 

Sometimes the best person to lead a project or department isn’t the loudest voice or the one with the perfect LinkedIn profile - it’s the one whose strengths you would have completely missed if you only looked at their title. 

Great leaders know how to see beyond the label and get curious about the whole person. 

If you want to create a culture where people feel seen - start by asking better questions. In a world full of surface-level interactions, genuine curiosity is a superpower. 

Leaders with an intent to connect lead with curiosity. They ask:

• What lights you up lately? 

• What are you learning? 

• What’s something you’re excited about right now? 

We can’t complain about shallow workplace culture while clinging to shallow questions. If we want teams and organizations where people show up fully, we have to model better conversations. 

So… What Do I Do?

I get to know people. 

I ask better questions. I care about who they are, not just how they earn a paycheck. And that has made all the difference - not just in my personal life, but in my leadership.

Understanding people beyond their job titles has helped me build trust faster, lead more effectively, and create lasting relationships. 

The shortcut to influence isn’t having the right title. 

It’s having genuine curiosity. 

So the next time you feel yourself about to ask someone, “What do you do?” - pause. Try a different question. 

You might just learn something worth knowing.